Secret Plans of the Obama Administration : A Secular Franciscan Life

Eagle on presidential seal replaced by Tofurky™ brand meat substitute.
New rule: anyone who beats the President in Jenga takes responsibility for Iraq.
Use his newfound influence to get the gig he really wants: panelist on The Best Damn Sports Show Period.
Quietly remove Dick Cheney’s tarrasque

Persuasion trailer
Chronicles of an Exorcism move

from the basement of the VP Mansion.
Now that things have slowed down, finally get around to returning that broken tv to Circuit Cit… oh.
Relax import restrictions to allow Cuba to send us some of their smokin’ hot Latina babes.
Spend $14 million on a graphic designer who will update the flag by making the stars a slightly more modern shade of white.
Lob a couple of missiles into Romania, just to let the vampires know we’re paying attention.
Free health insurance for any American who promises to never, ever get sick.
All scissors to be replaced with the less dangerous rounded-tip kind.
Look into buying that America-shaped island in Dubai, just in case.

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